I’m usually a fairly positive person. I try to find the good side of most things and I think I succeed. However, today is not a day for feeling positive. Sometimes things just gang up on me and all come at the same time. Let me tell you about it.
No. 1, I’m feeling tired. I’ve had an exciting couple of days when I’ve seen Mum & Dad and had birthday presents. That’s all good isn’t it? But whenever there’s a high there’s always a corresponding low and I would normally just give myself a good talking to and ‘get over it’. I’ve eaten well over the last few days, which I don’t often do, I’ve enjoyed good company and lots of humour. I’ve had some enjoyable face-to-face conversations and I’ve extended my birthday week into October. All good. These are the days that make my life special and I enjoy them so much, but with MS there’s always a kick-back, it catches up with me and I have to take things slowly for a while.
No. 2, today we’ve had some bad news, a good friend from Romsey days, when I still lived at home, passed away. Graham, along with his wife Doreen were a support network to me during my teenaged traumas. I baby-sat their sons and I took it for granted they’d always be there. Graham had survived a bout of cancer and seemed to be doing well. He was always the life and soul and he used to make me laugh, a lot. Moving to East Sussex somehow became less scary knowing that they lived in the same county and not too far away, even though we didn’t see them much. I am aware that as I age I will lose more loved ones, but it’s never going to get easier.
No.3, is the weather. Hasn’t it rained enough yet? When I woke up this morning it was grey and I thought, here we go, more of the same. However, it brightened up and at breakfast the sun was shining. Obviously, it wouldn’t last and we’re back to grey skies, cold wind and more rain. Apparently, the garden wants it. Tough.
It’s incredible the difference that the weather can make to my mood. As I said goodbye to Mum & Dad this morning, in the bright sunshine, I felt positive about the time we’d spent together and looked forward to the next visit. Yet, when the bad weather set in I just felt lonely and despondent at their leaving. In warmer weather, I might have been able to accept Graham’s passing with sad resignation. He died peacefully surrounded by his family. At the end of the day that’s what we’d all want. But, today, in the rain, I feel the loss for Doreen and their boys, but also a loss for part of my childhood.
It’s more common than people think to be affected by the weather. We harness it’s power for energy and globally we are subject to it’s changes. Climate change is here and if we are smart we can use it to our benefit and make it work for us. It still influences our feelings and emotions and we’re never going to get the better of that.