Stolen choices

I don’t want this to be a depressing blog, in fact I have rediscovered a lot in this current situation. I have more time as I cannot fill my life with minutiae. I have found that I am able to make do with alternatives rather than searching out the optimum which fills my time, until now. I am finding things to fill my time, books to read, old films to watch and crosswords to complete. The garden is full of spring, colours are coming alive again and birdsong has become more magical. There is less traffic, so less hum and darkness takes on an otherworldly aspect.

I just need to mention a few things that I’m missing from my life due to COVID-19. My family and close contact with them is a major one for me. I’m a touchy-feely kind of person and I love those huge enveloping hugs from my daughters. They make me feel so warm and emotional. I am sentimental about them and having not seen them for some time I miss them very much. My grandchildren running up to greet me with their special way of hugging, Meadow only reaches my waist so she ends up hugging my knees. I haven’t seen Mum & Dad for 4 months, contact with them is extra special to me now that we are all older.
I applauded the NHS and key workers last night from my driveway and I realised how long it has been since I saw neighbours. Almost all were outside clapping and it dawned on me that we haven’t talked for some time.

Part of what is driving me stir crazy is losing control of the little things that I have a say or power over. One is the groceries that come into the house. I feel lost if I cannot choose meals or recipes for the week ahead. It’s my contact with the outside world and although it seems trivial just saying it, it is important to me. I can’t book any slots and if I give Husband in a Hurry a shopping list I know he will be particular about which parts of the list to ignore and the bits he will add.

I miss going to the hairdressers. I know it sounds inconsequential as I know that there is far worse that could happen and missing out on a hair cut isn’t the end of my world, but it’s another chip in my independence. Our monthly writing workshop is being screened virtually and I miss the interpersonal contact, the ‘hello’, ‘how are you?’ which are part of our social interaction. I crave people and the invisible killer that is corona virus is stealing my freedom.

However, there is a positive in that I am not spending as much money, which means I am saving for the time which I know will come, when we are on the other side and our emancipation arrives. Husband in a Hurry and I are finding ways to not live in each other’s pockets, although I am stuck inside, he is able to walk or cycle for exercise every day. Time is spent on books and reading and he is doing those maintenance chores that have been on the back burner for months. I am discovering ways around my laptop which I didn’t realise existed before, although I still spend too many hours on solitaire.

The thing is, we know that we will get through this and I am aware that shopping will return, Waitrose will welcome me back and Tony & Guy need my cash ringing in their till.
I’ll save the Easter eggs until I see my grandchildren in person again.

About I'M Still me.....

I'm an MS warrior and writer who enjoys Prosecco, chocolate, looking glamorous and who will NEVER go grey!
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