The sun is shining, I’m sitting on the balcony of a stateroom, whilst cruising to the Azores. We are through the Bay Biscay, past all the choppy waters and I have a cocktail in my hand, it doesn’t get better than this. What’s my face doing? Surely, it should be smiling, why isn’t it?

I’ve got out of the habit. Smiling is a habit, it’s a good one to have. It takes a completely different set of facial muscles to smile than it does to look glum. Smiling is an exercise, but it’s also a habit and I should do it more often; it’s good for me.

Habits are easy to attain. Apparently it takes 26 days to get into one. Bad habits like nail biting, eating the wrong things, smoking, drinking, spending money are all bad, and I would put into that how easy it is to get into a ‘feeling sorry for myself’ frame of mind. Good habits have to be worked on. Habits like exercise, eating properly, drinking enough water and keeping in touch with friends are easily lost and i include my smiling in one of those.

I’m here on this ship and I want to socialise with other cruisers, but they won’t want to converse with me if I have a miserable demeanour. I need to practise the art of smiling.

I was always a good conversationalist and great at mixing with people. Being without a homemaker is all very well but it means that there’s no one else in the home with you, there’s no one around to talk to. I don’t want to use my disability as an excuse but it’s harder for me to get out and meet people. I shop online because it’s easier than the technicalities of getting out, I don’t want to do all my shopping this way, groceries, clothes, Christmas presents, etc, could be so much more fun for me out and about, but I have to close the front door on my own. I need someone to drive me to any decent clothes shops, and that involves paying someone. Getting a taxi anywhere requires an accessible one, booking and planning, which I’m not known for and is also prohibitively expensive! I have always been fiercely independent and I feel that I’m losing it bit by bit. That’s why I don’t smile much.

Don’t feel too sorry for me, I’m on a cruise! If you meet me, remember that I can smile…I’ve just got out of the habit.